Dennis In The Starting Blocks

Tomorrow Dennis starts his journey in earnest with our first full development workshop with the tremendous chaps & chapesses from Simplicity IT. In four month's time we should have a public alpha site that everyone can test to destruction....

For the record and future reference I'd like to note the reasons why we selected Simplicity (apologies if this is a bit dry in comparison with my normal ramblings!)...

First impressions
Right off the bat the MD, John O'Dwyer's phone manner and dialogue was professional and articulate. Follow up emails were prompt and courteous. Questions were clearly expressed and pertinent. This was carried through into our on-site meeting at Simplicity's offices, which are in a quiet but convenient location in Highbury. The office vibe was relaxed but studious. We knew we could work with these people.

Grasp of concept
Either Project Dennis is rather complex or we are not very good at explaining it. In any event, not everyone "gets it" straight away. Some of the developers we spoke to were clearly just going through the motions. Not only did Simplicity take it all on board, their proposal contained descriptions of our objectives that were far better than our own, and there has been a demonstrable enthusiasm to be part of what they see innovative project. John has been the only person to admit to being able to point to the "light-bulb" moment during our discussions.

Reference work
Simplicity have done a bunch of cool websites (or webware apps as they call them), a number of which contain very relevant modules for our own project. This was not immediately obvious from the reference sites listed on their own site, but during demonstrations at their office we were very impressed at the scope and quality of their portfolio.

Overall professionalism
Touched on above already, but the quality of their proposal, which was put together in less than a week and delivered ahead of schedule was excellent. Clear, concise, with an obvious methodology. Following the proposal all questions have been answered by return on what has seemed like a 24-7 basis. Changes to specifications have been accomodated and plans adjusted quickly and without fuss. Simplicity were our clear favourites in advance of receiving the commercials. We feared that they would be easily the most expensive.

Project quote
We were pleasantly surprised to find that their quote for the first phase of the project was broadly in line with others. In fact there was little difference between theirs and the cheapest quote we received (and 1/6th of the most expensive!). A done deal...

On The Road

We're on the road to....

Updates may be intermittent...

Stop Press: Mini-somnambulist I has broken his wrist playing football and has been instructed that he cannot go skiing. I have no idea what he is going to do with himself for two weeks in the French Alps over xmas and NY. Still, the under-exercised hairy one will probably be glad of the company while everyone else is falling down a hill.

A couple of week's ago we took the mini-somnambulists to see Motorhead. So by a tenuously circuitous route we end up at...

Pop Quiz: For which famous act was Lemmy, lead growler of Motorhead, a roadie before he went front stage?

Phriday Photo XVIII

I live in the disappointed generation. When we were kids there was no doubt that by the close of the 20th Century robots would be in the home, we would whizz around in flying cars, and Space 1999 was at least equal parts documentary and science fiction. All we got was the Internet.

At least the chaps at Moller International are keeping the Thunderbirds dream alive...

To view previous Phriday Photos click here!

Down-Trend

According to a recent survey (so reports the Telegraph), the 'mullet' is the worst craze of all time.

I'm just off to the barber's...

Many people are blaming the banks for the sub-prime crisis. There would be no crisis without sub-prime.

Another Day At A Medium-Sized International Bank V

As the curtain on my banking career looms large I feel a certain drive to record some of the little details that make the financial industry unique. In an earlier post I mentioned that the daily spaghetti of crossed-wires communication had a lot to answer for. Here’s another little nugget….

Dear Mr Tchübacher,

I hope you may be able to assist. One of my team has asked for clarification on personal account trading rules in relation to certain products.

I have scanned the compliance manual and haven't come across any specific guidelines on this subject, so I would like to seek your clarification on what regulations or rules apply for a member of staff to use margin trading accounts?

Many thanks in advance,
UDH Boy

….Two days later…..

Hi Mr Tchübacher,

I have not had a reply to my previous mail. My team member is still asking me about the rules governing this kind of activity. Could you please pass on to whoever can answer so that I can inform my staff accordingly?

Many thanks,
UDH Boy

….One day later….

hey UDH Boy,
i give this to advisory to clear the new structure of our team. For the moment i think that our new structure with the same workaround still have the same rules as before. I escalate it today and hope that it will be clear in the near future. ;-)

Herr E. Tchübacher
Compliance Officer

Hello Herr Tchübacher,

I’m sorry, I didn’t quite follow your mail. Please can you clarify the rules on margin trading accounts or direct me to the appropriate person?

Thanks,
UDH Boy

…..One day later…..

Hey UDH Boy,
sorry for delay but we have still problems. It´s what i say yesterday, before it will be finaly clear the new structure with our Boss and Compliance, the best way is to leave it as before. The appointment will be in the near future (i hope next week). Offiziell rules are not exist of this point. But it´s in inoffiziell rule to say before we know the new rules we must leave the oldest rules. Better is better. I hope it help for the moment.

Herr E. Tchübacher
Compliance Officer

(This issue is unlikely to be resolved in 2008...)

Happy Birthday to Lisnambulist ;-) x

Collecting Lawyers

You wait forever for a bus, and then two come along at the same time.

On Sunday I had no lawyers. This morning I have two: MCE Avocats who are going to help me deal with the Swiss architect-locusts (if you ever come into contact with these people, I suggest you run a mile. Their service is worse than their website); and Speechly Bircham who are reviewing our developer's contract for Project Dennis.

First impressions on both counts are very good - they seem polite and professional. However, they haven't asked for any money yet...

On the good side, oh-my-Darling has cut VAT by 2.5% from next week, reducing our beta-site development costs by enough to afford at least half an hour of lawyer-time.

New Weblogo

One of the great things about this creative space we call t'Internet is all the new words that get made up to describe things that never existed before. I fancy myself as a bit of a neologician(TM) and so I am describing the new bit of artwork on the left <---- as my "weblogo"(TM).

The original design was as a possible idea for A Tiger In Africa(TM) identity but we decided it was a bit flat and old hat. However, I handed it over to that intergenuis(TM) Penfold at GTZero(TM), in the hope that he could make it more 3D-ey, button-y and badge-y, and by Jove, that's exactly what he has done. A+ old chap!

Weblogo(TM) by Penfold(TM)

Birthday Portrait

Apparently it's customary for future monarchs to sit for a portrait on their 60th birthday. I can't deny that I was somewhat taken aback when I chanced across this photograph, and learnt that Daddy Papersurfer has a royal bloodline.

HRH Prince Surfeur de Papier (Snr)

Phriday Photo XVII

The spot monkeys were discussing the other day how much EUR/USD a certain fund had bought in a certain space of time to move the market a certain amount, and the consensus of opinion was "truckloads." A wonderfully malleable term, I think.

When oil neared $150 earlier this year, the local car-pooling policy proved remarkably popular...

To view previous Phriday Photos click here!

Somnambulist Mothership For Sale

We got the revised quote for the enhanced-specification Project Dennis beta-site yesterday. Thud. So...

An almost unique opportunity to own a mildly mini-somnambulist-tainted, environmentally unfriendly Autobahn-hogger. Dog hairs included. Many extras still work.

One careful (ahem) owner. Any reasonable offer considered. May accept safe passage across the nearest border as part exchange...

Birth Canal Conundrum

There's a lot of debate on the internet, of varying degrees of quality, but very little gets as vociferous as the religion vs. science battle. I find it quite difficult to get involved with this because although I largely come from the scientific corner, I actually think that each field has precious little of value to say about the other. Most of the arguments that you read, most especially on the comments sections of any relevant articles in major publications, are just a series of conflicting straw men with no hope of ever agreeing on a frame of reference, let alone striking some sensible dialogue.

There is one thing I think most sane people can agree on, however. Each of us has a world view (for want of a better phrase), and our world contains evidence as to the true nature of things. When we encounter a conflict between our world view and evidence, then it stands to reason that one of the two must be wrong in some way.

This got me thinking, as I chanced upon an article detailing recent fossil evidence that suggests large birth canals in early hominids (allowing delivery of large-brained early hominid sprogs) evolved hundreds of thousands of years earlier than previously thought. I wondered to myself, and cannot stop wondering, what young-earth-creationists think when they encounter such evidence. Do they just ignore it? Do they assume it is patently wrong? Or some kind of scientific conspiracy to undermine their beliefs? Or do they simply not read such surreptitous publications (the BBC News website)? To someone who genuinely believes that the earth is only a few thousand years old, debating whether early humans appeared 200,000 or 2,000,000 years ago is utterly irrelevant and a total waste of time. But surely there must be some spark of interest, some nagging question as to why other people believe that fossilization of bones takes much longer than the supposed life-span of the earth. The cognitive dissonance must be excrutiating. Or perhaps not....

A diagram detailing the evolution of red underpants (3.2 million years ago to the present day)

Another Day At A Medium-Sized International Bank IV

After more than six months of waiting we have a new organisational structure. We know this because a variety of support areas have started using different numbers and headings on their communications, and occasionally asking questions such as:

"Why are your products split into apparently counter-intuitive business areas in the new organisational structure?"

To use an analogy, it appears that on the funny farm, crop rotation strategy is now the remit of the head sheep-shearer, while planting and harvesting falls under the dairy shed.

Since nobody has bothered to inform the revenue-generating areas of the new reporting lines we can at least try and deflect such questions with a simple:

"What new organisational structure?"

although this does occasionally prompt an ensuing lecture as to the specific expertise requirements for arable and livestock farming and how stupid we are to mix such things up.

Another day of taking sh+t for a living...

Motorheadache

SSHHHhhhhh...

We did something highly decadent yesterday and flew to Manchester for only one purpose: to take the mini-somnambulists to see Motorhead (and Saxon and Danko Jones). Fab, if a bit different from the old days.

The first time I saw Lemmy and co was 25-odd years ago - with the classic Fast Eddie and Philthy Phil line up (supported by Anvil, I think). I seem to remember begging for enough cash to buy a ticket and walking about 50 miles, with my friend Jim, to Hammersmith Odeon. We walked through Leicester Square where we met several shady characters, bought bootleg cassettes and refused various drugs. Well various packets of things purported to be drugs, anyway. Two days later, I sat my 'O' level English exam, and remember straining to look up at the gym clock because I had headbanger's neck....

Review and photo to follow... !

Phriday Photo XVI

On page 19 of Birmingham International Airport's Report & Accounts (2007-2008) was a little surprise. To illustrate the in-depth security procedures was a collage, including a picture of an x-ray of a luggage item...

Let's hope that BIA insists on a greater attention to detail during their security checks than they do in their graphic design.

Click here to see previous Phriday Photos!

BamBam The Buddha Boy

It's not surprising, with the virtually hysterical worldwide fervour released after last week's earth-shattering US election result, to see one or two other opportunists jump on the messianic bandwagon. Lo and behold Bambam the Buddha boy has popped up in Nepal again, artfully not denying claims that he is Siddhartha Gautama reincarnate. What is surprising, is that I was convinced that BamBam was trading Spot FX at a MSIB in Sydney - if he really can be in two places at once perhaps there is something to this after all...

A group of currency analysts hold a communal seance in order to divine where EUR/GBP will open this morning...

Alternative Career

As one career is coming to its end, I started to think what other things I might do, in case the plans to become an internet magnate don't unfold as quickly as I expect. The advert below on exec-appointments.com caught my eye. I have no special forces experience but I can drive an Aston-Martin, and I quite like the idea of being a "Targeting Officer." In fact I can think of one or two potential targets already...

(It does say I should not discuss my application with anyone, so I'd appreciate it if you kept this all to yourself)

This advertisement will self-destruct in 10 seconds...

New Book

We like new books around here :-) That gentleman and scholar Trywalker very kindly brought me a gift back from his recent trip to London: "The Price Of Everything" by Russell Roberts, replete with a touching inscritption from our young star.

I am thoroughly looking forward to reading it so that it will "change my life - reading it will give me a sense of wonder about the everyday marvels that are all around me." Check back soon for the verdict...

A parable of possibility and prosperity (and, apparently, alliteration)

Monday Is Funday

Another day, another dollar, or so the saying goes. If only it was just the dollars we had to worry about. It's the pounds, and the euros, and the yen, and the francs, and the florints, and the liras... ah, well, at least Trywalker is back at his desk.

Apparently, an infinite number of spot monkeys with an infinite number of Bloomberg terminals can tell you where EUR/USD will go (with the following conditions...)

Multiball!

I’ve always been a great fan of pinball and most modern games have a feature called ‘Multiball’. If you hit the right sequence of bumpers, ramps, loops and slots it initiates a period of play where you have 3 or more balls whizzing around in Brownian-motion fashion, requiring a good degree of focus and flipper coordination to keep them in play, while a cacophony of sound and flashing lights tries to distract you. Brilliant.

A few days back I mentioned that a number of balls were about to start rolling…and so they are.

Ball 1: Project Dennis
By the end of today we will have determined which developer we will be contracting to turn an idea into reality, and the project will press ahead in earnest. We hope to have a working Beta-site before the end of the first quarter next year.

Ball 2: MSIB Exit Strategy
Some details to resolve still but terms are agreeable. We are in the final weeks. UDH Boy, Trywalker, TB and the rest will soon be free of my totalitarian tendencies.

Ball 3: Secret Alpine Hideaway
This one is threatening to get stuck in the Swiss Architect-locust feature. Having admitted a couple of days ago that the ATIA mountain retreat will not be ready on schedule, they have exposed themselves to the ‘failure to complete’ clause of the contract. This allows for the buyer to withdraw from the purchase and claim 10% of the property value as a penalty. I would imagine in the current climate, losing a nailed-on buyer and having to shell out a large wad of cash is disconcerting. The SA-Ls have for the very first time in two and a half years started being reasonable and courteous. I think there is some room for negotiation here…

Ball 4: The Greatest Escape
After almost six years sausage-side I can’t deny that I am looking forward to saying auf wiedersehen. Allied POWs captured at the beginning of WWII got out after about six years and I know how they must have felt. However, having spent a long time digging the tunnel towards the Swiss border, it might be time to look in the opposite direction if Ball 3 is lost. Our removal company just thinks we are indecisive.

Ball 5: Winter Holidays
Plans for friends and parts of the Somnambulistic clan to stay over the end of the year holidays, not to mention the prospect of spending a fair chunk of the ski season skiing, have collided head on with Balls 3 & 4. My biggest worry is disappointing the mini-Somnambulists…

When I started this blog it was with the intention of recording my path out of the comfort zone. No sign of the Holy Whale, but I guess this is the sort of fumbling and bumbling I was referring to. It’s a lot of fun!

Demanding Dennis II

Reviewing proposals for the Alpha-site development on Project Dennis.

First impression are: I feel like the punter at the blackjack table, looking at the dealer, knowing that whatever happens they are going to end up richer than me. I now remember WHY I trained as a systems analyst, and cannot for the life of me remember why I didn't follow that career path.

Ho hum, where's the cheque book...?

Phriday Photo XV

Daddy Papersurfer's friends organised a bit of a bash for his birthday. It all started in a cupboard, apparently. Now I'm not suggesting for a moment that things got out of hand (at his age that could even be dangerous), but I did get a sneak preview of some photos of the aftermath...

OK, own up. Who opened the Unicum?

Birthday Ditty

While surfing I found a git, funny and old

He made blogging seem easy and soon I was sold

I'd have long stopped my writing

If it wasn't so exciting

Trading nonsense with that old git, whose heart's made of gold.

Tig Tag Toe

I got tagged by Jay at The Depp Effect. Being a newcomer to the blogosphere, this is the first time I have come across this diarised version of chainmail (clearly initiated by someone with blogger's block), and while I am not sure whether my tagees will thank me for passing the hot potato, I'll give it a shot.

Now then, what can one say about oneself when one is incognito...?

Seven random or weird Somnambulistic facts:

1) When very young I had a recurring nightmare involving dinosaurs, earthquakes and fireballs.

2) If I had a daugther, I'd want to call her Halo.

3) When skiing, I find it harder to turn right than turn left.

4) I can draw and paint a bit, and have even made some money at it, but I have always been secretly envious of Penfold's natural talent.

5) I worry that sometimes my closest friend thinks that I do not regard him as my equal.

6) I have learnt that P&L and golf balls do not lie.

7) I have a secret that only one other person knew. They took it to their grave, I will take it to mine.

The magnificent seven: Tagees who I'd like to know something more about...

Trywalker - who'd write something wise beyond his years
Muttley - who'd write something mad
Patsou - who'd write something piercingly insightful
His Lordship - who'd write something musical
Tango - who'd write something inspiring
Lynne - who'd just write for our pleasure of reading
Teddy - who'd... I can't think of anything even remotely sensible

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Demanding Dennis

Project Dennis has a lot of requirements. At present, there are 12 categories, 50 sub-categories and 123 specific deliverable requirements, most of which are being carefully considered by 3 of the 4 short-listed developers we screened over the last few days. We await their quotes/proposals for our prototype Alpha-site with great anticipation.

Developer #4 was labouring under the misapprehension that we would be flying our assigned project manager back and forth between London and New Dehli for face-to-face project meetings. Pensez encore un fois, mon ami. This, combined with the fact that the "business development manager" didn't take a single written note during our 2 hour+ meeting resulted in a courteous email indicating that we wouldn't be pursuing things further.

Interestingly, they were also the only one to request that we sign their own NDA as well as ours. Weird, since we heard nothing worth disclosing even if we wanted to.

Proposals due cob Friday. Watch this space...

Bratwurstdorf Olympiad, 2008

Over half-term we had a spot of bad weather one day, and so we decided to stay in and play some games. Now I won't go as far as suggesting that there is an abnormally wide competitive streak in the Somnambulistic household, but suffice it to say this quickly morphed into an Olympic Game extravaganza.

It was a lot of fun and I only pipped mini-somnambulist I to the gold because, against all the odds, the form book, and to everyone's astonishment, I didn't come last on the Singstar Playstation game. Wonders never cease.

Anyway, we are busy cooking up the rules for the Winter Olympiad this xmas, dans les Alpes Vaudoises...

can't believe I played my Joker on Hotel and came last...