Another Day At A Medium-Sized International Bank III

If you have ever wondered why the banking industry is in such a pickle, it’s because the kind of dialogue recorded below goes on day in, day out, everywhere. Much time is spent passing pseudo-information with no ultimate objective, value or resolution.

A typical exchange at a Medium-Sized International Bank between a trading desk and an unidentified administration department…

Opening email:

Dear UDH Boy,

A few minutes ago I spoke to someone else and they told me to ask you.
--> Do you know the reason that the product "foreign exchange/foreign currency/FX-Derivates" is depressed by OCB?
Is it the current Market situation, smaler Tickets or no dealing with MSIB.....?

Looking forward to your answer.
Thanks in advance

Kind regards

Mrs N.


Response:

Hi

I am not entirely sure I understand the question here... do you mean why has turnover declined between MSIB and this entity (it being the Ostrich Central Bank, I think?)? Why has the question come up?

As it stands, without more information, I am afraid I have no idea. I never knew that we ever dealt with them. I have certainly never seen them trade with my desk in the last two and a half years. I do not even know who would be the sales person or trader speaking with the Ostrich CB on FX products to be honest, as we do not have a dedicated Ornithological Counterparties sales desk or person.

Please let me know more about the query and I will try to assist more.

UDH


Ensuing phone call:

Mrs N.: “Hello, UDH Boy, can you tell me why we are doing less business with OCB?”

UDH: “Hello, as I said in my mail, I don’t think we have ever dealt with them in the 2 and a half years I have been here, and Schadenfreude Boy, who has been here a lot longer than the Euro, has never seen them either.”

Mrs N.: “Hmm. Why do you think we are doing less with them?”

UDH: “Less than zero? (pause for effect)… Errr not sure. Why do you need to know? What is the nature of the question, where does it come from and why?”

Mrs N.: “I am not sure. It is because we have to prepare for a first round vote.”

UDH: “Who does?”

Mrs N.: “Not sure.”

UDH: “Well, what for then? A credit limit change?”

Mrs N.: “I think so.”

UDH: “Increase or decrease? Who is seeking it?”

Mrs N.: “I don’t know.”

UDH: “Well I definitely don’t either. Let’s just say OCB is depressed – diagnosis, inconclusive.”

Mrs N.: “Thanks very much.”

UDH: “You’re welcome.”