Denn...

I have so little time I can't even finish the subject title. Sincere, heartfelt, guilty, apologies to all the tasks that are being delayed by a few minutes, but I haven't posted here for some time, and the briefest of snapshots seems appropriate at this moment.

Our outstanding task-list on the Project Dennis alpha site has been gradually, methodically, unflaggingly whittled away to a paltry 50 items. Over the last couple of weeks, in the run-up to our full testing phase, the site has started to take on a much more dynamic, usable, 'lived-in' look and feel, and we are genuinely excited about inviting everyone on in less that three weeks.

It's been a long time (much longer than we had anticipated) coming, but the light is most definitely peering at us from the end of the tunnel. This is just as well, since my vow not to cut my hair until it's done and dusted has forced me to learn how to live with a pony tail. If only they could see me now. A good friend, who I'd not seen for some time, remarked that I look like an 'Italian porn star.' I suspect he didn't mean it as a compliment, but I'll take it as one nonetheless.

Onwards and onwards....

Dennis' Stablemate

Phew!

Time has acquired previously undetected physical properties and is evaporating vigorously before my very eyes... either that or its being consumed by Dennis' voracious appetite for man hours.

9 months into development, Dennis trundles along gathering proportions like a fast food addict. In a snowball. Would we have started, had we realised the gargantuousness of the task at hand? Sure, but we might have sliced him up into more bit-sized pieces.

I am not going to tempt fate by suggesting we have a sniff of the finish line. Instead, I'll content myself with the fact that a remarkable amount has already been accomplished, and that it won't be long before a wider audience gets their first look... I hope they are not entirely underwhelmed.

You might think, quite sensibly, that with Dennis seeming marginally Sisyphean, one would be foolish to embark on any additional, major undertaking in parallel. But we like a challenge at A Tiger In Africa, and possibly for that reason alone, Dennis now has a sibling.

Project Norman (unfortunately I was out-voted and the epithet 'Spiny' was removed from the title) combines real-world game-play with online connectivity and collaboration. That's about all I can say at the moment, but details will be gradually released here...

Phriday Photo XLV

A special Phriday today, so a special photo - it's Sparkly Aph's birthday and we're taking a day off from Dennis, and going to play some golf! CB-) )-=;

Sparkly Aphrodite in the nude

(it's only a model!)

To view previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Phriday Photo XLIV

OK, not a photo today (but who's checking?!)... but this made me laugh out loud when it arrived in my inbox this week (lol), and it definitely belongs on here :)

Toview previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Phriday Photo XLIII

England's footballers seem unstoppable at the moment (let's not mention cricket at the moment, shall we?), with Wayne Rooney in a particularly strong vein of form. I suspect it's only a matter of time before opposing teams resort to questionable tactics to prevent him scoring goals...

Dangerous tackle...or tackle in danger?

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To The Manor Prawn

Sparkly Aph's Food For Thought goes from strength to strength, but needed a re-branding following our return to Blighty... and so "To The Manor Prawn" is (errr) born :-)

So, for all your catering needs (especially parties, weddings, entertaining), can I direct you to:

To The Manor Prawn

This is Lord P, he's a bit of a prawn and a bit of a toff
(but not a toffee prawn, that would be gross)

Phriday Photo XLII

Thanks for messages about the under-exercsied-hariy-one last week...

Muttley is on the mend :-)

To view previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Project Dennis Update

Just a short post while I have a moment, but necessary to mark an important milestone.

Today, 'slightly' behind schedule we were able to send out our first invitations to our Alpha Testing community to come and visit the Dennis test site. An eclectic mix of metaphoric wise men, inn-keepers and shepherds they get the first entry into the rickety stable and peer at the new-born baby Dennis.

Whether or not Dennis turns out to be the leader of a new cult that engulfs half the world or just another very naughty boy remains to be seen, but at the moment we're just delighted that he's here at all...

Nativity Starter Set $99.99 available from General Foam Plastics Corp Indoor or Outdoor use (only one bulb included)

Phriday Photo XLI

I came across this picture in my travels and found it unnerving enough to post today. It's not that I have anything against people praying to walls, etc. - whatever brings you inner peace is alright by me. It was just that this chap doesn't appear to be praying at all. He appears to be looking. Which got me thinking...what can he see through the little crack...?

I spy with my little eye...

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Free Lunches

Yesterday I missed the first Phriday Photo post since starting the blog last year. This lapse in personal discipline was due to being up most of Thursday night with a seriously sick doggy (including a couple of the darkest hours spent expensively at the not-so-local vets), followed by a very busy day with Dennis on Friday. The underexercised hairy one will be fine, although he's moping about a bit under the influence of various drugs.

Mitigating circumstances aside, I feel that I owe a debt of service to this slightly neglected blog, especially since it was never supposed to be just another place to post mostly regurgitated, mildly amusing pictures. So today I'm sharing a few useful snippets of info, should any aspiring entrepreneurs wander by...

They say there's no such thing as a 'free lunch', and they're probably right. Even when you don't pay for something up front, if you follow the cost trail far enough you'll find somehow or other you're footing the bill. Nevertheless, I've come across some genuine nuggets of advice and information for start-up businesses, readily available for little more than a small collection of internet-access, time, travel and taxpayer expenses.

Free Business Advice on the Internet

Until someone comes along with a website that organises information effectively so that you can quickly determine which are the best places that offer free advice (we're working on it), you're left with the Google keyword-a-thon lottery. Let me save you some time. This is one of the most succinct sources of info for first-time would-be Richard Bransons: Angel Blog. And, for free, the best part of the site is the Start-up To Do List.

Fancy yourself weilding business cards with CEO next to your name, but secretly don't really know what the role actually entails in its entirety? Free Management Library: Basic overview of the role of the Chief Executive.

Beginner (very) basics: if you've got an idea for a website but aren't sure what's entailed in setting it up and monetising options, try the Webpage Blueprint.

Already know where you're going, and want to listen to educated views on new media revenue models? Bookmark The Monday Note.

What's "competitor analysis" about? Here are a couple of pointers: NetMBA & Tutor2U.

In that vein, want to know what kind of traffic and stats your competitors are seeing? Alexa and Compete offer good free entry-level services. (Of course for your own stats you will have installed the excellent, cost-free Google Analytics).

Government Sources

Start at Business Link and you won't go far wrong. There's good overview information there, and you can arrange free consultations and advice with your local Business Link centre.

The Intellectual Property Office will assist you with protecting your ideas, and they arrange a free, confidential consultation with a qualified patent attorney, in conjuction with the CIPA, to consider if your ideas may be worth pursuing a patent application - expensive but probably worth the investment if successful. Member firms of CIPA will also invariably grant you a free initial consultation.

The British Library has a superb free resource in its Business & IP Centre. We arranged a free 90-minute business analysis and advice session, with a basic action plan and follow up meetings down the road to see how we are getting on.

...A spin off of all these free meetings is that they are superb practice for conveying your business idea in confidence, which I guarantee will help build, err, confidence.

I think I'll leave the funding side of things for another post, because we might start drifting off the 'free lunch' vein. However, check out the individual tax breaks on startup investments under the Enterprise Investment Scheme. Additionally, since the British public now own vast swathes of the banking sector, which has been very naughty, it is being 'encouraged' to lend money to the small and medium business sector that represents the only real prospect of dragging the economy up by its bootstraps. The Enterprise Finance Guarantee provides majority government underwriting (lending banks take the minority risk) to SME loans of £1k-£1m over a period of up to 10 years, at pretty attractive interest rates. I understand that certain banks have a quota to fulfill in such loans, and I fully intend to help them meet it.

And finally, if you're thinking about buying a business instead of starting one from scratch (and believe me, you should be: my bank is offering to provide EFG assistance to do so), then I can highly recommend the Diomo course. OK, its style is a touch "U.S. Self-help hype" and at £50 is not free. However, its information is invaluable, and in relative terms (i.e. 1/3 the cost of a middle-of-the-night trip to the emergency vets) it's a veritable bargain.

There. I hope I've added a tiny bit back to the blogosphere and feel at least partially absolved for my indiscipline. It'll be back to the silly photos next week.

If all of the above was simply mind-numbingly dull, click here to see previous Phriday Photos while you wait...

Phriday Photo XL

It's tough out there, and while we wait for Dennis to get going everyone has to pull their weight. And that includes the under-exercised hairy one: he's going out to stud. We've therefore put together a promotional puppy pimping photo package for prospective readers of the horseandhound.co.uk and the like...

To rent: The Dog's b......

To view previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Phriday Photo XXXIX

With what seems like barely a free minute to spare at the moment, this pic brought a wry smile... :-)

Have a productive Friday. Or not.

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Phriday Photo XXXVIII

I've been known to pick up a pencil or a paintbrush on occasion, and not always with disastrous results. However, I have always been in awe of pavement artists - out in the elements with the most unforgiving of canvasses, usually drawing on a huge scale, and at the end of it only pennies and a photo to show for it. Respect.

Leonardos in another life...

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Brimming With Pride

Pride invariably does come before the fall, so I do try to curtail that particular emotional mental state most of the time. Today, however, a little self-indulgence... Yesterday, on one of the most important events on the Somnambulist calendar - the Rugby Club end-of-season Awards - the mini-Somnambulists excelled themselves.

Not only did no.2 son win the U11 'Player of the Year' award (accompanied by rave accolades from coaches), but also no.1 brought home the highly coveted 'McNamara Trophy,' - awarded in memory of a young club member who passed away, to the U13 player displaying the most dedication, commitment and heart throughout the season...

mini-Somnambulist hero II & mini-Somnambulist hero I

Phriday Photo XXXVII

Spring has sprung and the eagerly awaited blossom is adorning the trees at the Applehouse. Dennis is a little late arriving, but that's fine, we'll wait in the shade with a picnic and a glass of cider.... What budget? What was it that I used to do for a living? A lifetime ago...

Spring sun in the Kent countryside :-)

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Phriday Photo XXXVI

It was a great pleasure to see my Antipodean mucker, VB, over the bank holiday weekend. Not only did we get the chance to sink a couple of Spitfires, he even came bearing gifts - including a most excellent T-Shirt from that gentleman and scholar, Trywalker....

FX Traders' survival wear...

(pic above now viewable - thanks for the heads-up, Jay!)

To view previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Phriday Photo XXXV

It's Phriday. Jolly Good. The barbarian hordes are descending for the long weekend, meaning a marathon visit to the superdupermarket is unavoidable. An appropriate time, I think, to wheel out some of my favourite consumer products from around the world.

The Somnambulist's shopping basket...

To view previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Ramblers' Rest

Not, as you might expect, a blogging hiatus (UDH Boy will have already ascertained this from the specific location of the apostrophe). Instead, a minor addition to the income stream (more of a trickle really), in the form of first class, top-notch, super-value guest accomodation.

If you happen to know anyone travelling through the Kent area in need of a stupendously good night's sleep followed by a full-on, full monty breakfast, please direct them here...

(Regular readers of S.R. eligible for a generous discount... for Daddy Papersurfer, we even have an extremely large shed full of antiquey, farmy things)

Dennis Update IV

Despite the delays mentioned a few days ago, we passed a small but significant milestone this week: the first implemented code module. It was nothing more (and perhaps nothing less) than the registration-email-log-in component, but it's there and it works.

It prompted quite an extraordinary moment of realisation. After years of evolving the concept, months of analysis, design and preparation, and the consumption of a large wad of cash, seeing the Project Dennis team email arrive in the inbox, inviting one to log into the demo site, was like the first twitch of life in Frankenstein's monster's little finger.

They don't make 'em like they used to...

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Phriday Photo XXXIV

There used to be a time when going to an art gallery meant looking at pictures. Nowadays it can be like stepping inside Salvador Dali's cortex...

Installation art or PD developer on his lunch break?

Alas, poor Dennis...

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Dennis Update III

The frequency of posts here is inversely proportional to the Dennis workload... Since the last update, work on the preview of the Project Dennis alpha site has been completed and we have moved into the implementation phase, where the business rules layer is coded to integrate the database and GUI layers. This is done in a series of so-called 'sprints', where a number of related sections are developed as a group and then tested, while the next sprint is worked on.

Time has slipped away from us somewhat, and we are now looking at a probable alpha go-live at the end of April. Frustrating as this is, we believe that the hard development work being done now will save us much more time down the road.

In addition I have also been working on a top secret new blog "Dennis Lore," which will help our community of alpha testers learn more about the project and also seed the Help & FAQs section of the site. Back to work...!

Phriday Photo XXXIII

A change of tack this week. Less humour, more sentiment.

I caught this touching moment of an old fella sharing his ice cream with his faithful friend in a park in Harrogate. There was something very sincere and endearing about their interaction. I wondered if either of them were reminiscing about days of youth, or lost partners perhaps...

Fido always saves the chocolate flake till the end

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Downsizing

We said a sad farewell to the Somnambulistic Mothership last week. It had served us well, happily transporting us around Europe, up snowy Alp, along endless autobahn and down winding Cornish country lane on many occasions. But.. there's a credit crunch, the steering wheel was on the wrong side, and most importantly, people thought we were German.

So we've put the record straight on that by downsizing to something old and British. Not, unfortunately, a Supermarine Spitfire but a Land Rover Freelander. It makes funny noises, drinks engine coolant like a Glaswegian nightclub owner, shudders between 19 and 26 mph, and won't stop the sneers from the ecomentalcyclists. However, it should put a stop to people giving us straight-arm salutes with their fingers under their noses.

From mothership to lifeboat (only slower)

Phriday Photo XXXII

Some things are destined for the bonfire the moment they were conceived, and so it was with a certain item of furniture (plus a small collection of unwanted flotsam). Just before I dropped the match I noticed that the "Fire Resistant" label had still not been removed and decided to put this claim to the test and record the results. The following photo montage spans no more than four minutes and speaks for itself...

The hot seat.

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Artificial Albert

You've probably seen countless clips of robotic faces. They've got better over the years but to my mind have never quite shaken off that disappointing Disney World animatronics-style tackiness. Until I saw the clip on the link below.

At first it's just another unconvincing (if high-quality) rubber-faced bag of servos. But keep watching... something changes when Mr E is given a robot body that moves freely and independently. Perhaps it is because when there is more motion to occupy one's focus, the facial scrutiny is less intense and we look more at the whole.. err entity? Whatever, the effect for me is eerie and I couldn't suppress the notion that I was taking a glimpse into the future.

Click AE for the shape of physicists to come...

Stand Clear. For Your Own Safety.

On Saturday afternoon, despite being barely two months old, the main PC went into an irretrievable hibernation. I can only assume that this was some form of protest against the usual gripes: overwork and underpay. Despite 12 hours trying to coax it back out from underneath the duvet with every form of artificial resuscitation known to man, it was as dead as the proverbial plague victim.

That is, until I took it out for a drive. I talked to it in gentle tones, as you might your favourite pet on the last trip to the vet, soothing background music on the CD player. Down the country lanes we went, round the roundabouts, along the motorway, heading for the den of iniquity that is Chatham, from whence the idle box of circuitry had come.

Of course, once they plugged the little bugger in, Windows safe mode popped cheerily up on the screen without a second's thought. After half an hour of diagnostics while I listened to a string of irate customers' electronical woes, I then had to endure much polite condescension.

"When the power light flashes, that means it's gone into hibernation." Yes I know.

"Holding the power button for six to ten seconds will switch the power off completely." Yes, I know.

"Switching it back on again will launch windows safe..." Yes. I know. I wondered if Bill Gates gets those kind of raised eyebrow looks when his PC goes on the blink.

I left sheepishly, feeling the need for some of that soothing background music, but changed my mind and put AC/DC on instead. The audio system in the car immediately stopped working, and took my only other source of comfort, the friendly (everso slightly sultry) SatNav woman, with it. This is bad timing, since I'd only the day before agreed the sale price on the Somnambulist mothership and it's due to be picked up this week.

I stopped the car, switched off, waited, and tried again. Nothing. The only thing that brought it back to life was distance from my physical personage. Once I had got home and weeped into a large mug of coffee for ten minutes, Brian Johnson was back and making lewd suggestions to the SatNav girl.

These things come in threes. This morning, on my jog (stumble) around the orchards, my iPod packed up in the middle of Insomnia.

Boom-boom "..I can't get no.... " Oh, I've gone to sleep.

A polite word of warning for your own benefit. Don't bring precious electrical items to the Applehouse until I stop channelling gremlins.

Phriday Photo XXXI

Free time is scarce at the moment, hence the lack of posts. However, I hope to make partial amends with a Photo Phriday treat...or should that be Phideo Phriday? Nah.

Inspired by a great idea for Dennis (thanks Kevin!), I've fished out one of my all time favourite ads. Enjoy...

Who said romance is dead?

To view previous Phriday Photos, click here!

Dennis Update II

Yesterday p-i-g orangepeel and I visited the largely underwhelming Social-networking World Forum in London Olympia (to be fair to the organisers we only went to the exhibition - I'm sure that the speeches and discussions were very interesting). There were a lot more suits and ties than I expected to see, as well as rather a lot of dubious products and business models. I'm not going to point any fingers but if you are demonstrating a new mobile phone application and the best new feature you have in development ("we hope to have this function live before too long") is a menu ("we think this will allow users to select options much more easily"), you might want to rethink your pitch. Or product. That being said, there were some noteworthy stands/pitches (we liked the guys from Omnifuse) and we were very pleased to meet up with Kevin Dixie from Fuelmyblog. Quick, fuel my blog. Down there, on the left. Go on, click it. ;-)

Following the exhibition we had a (long) meeting with the team at Simplicity, to review progress on Dennis. Last Friday we got our first look at the "preview site." This gives us the ability to surf around the user interface - the top of three 'layers.' As usual, we had a long list of amendments, which we went through in minute detail (Dennis the pedantic peasant) and they are being worked on as I type. In the meantime we continue to refine the algorithm and rules that will occupy the second ('business') layer, and prepare for testing the Alpha site once we go live. The bottom 'database' nuts-and-bolts layer is now largely complete, even if it's an empty, vacant skeleton.

There is an awful lot still to be done if we are to meet our go-live objective of end-March, but we are cracking on. Things are definitely taking shape, and there is a sense of momentum. Responses to the concept continue to be highly positive, and though nobody can predict precisely how things will pan out, we are definitely on to something. Perhaps even a whiff of a whale...

Phriday Photo XXX

I've only persevered with this phriday photo thing to see what kind of traffic I would attract when I got to photo XXX.

Anyway, I have a couple of pics for you today, with a particular nod to my old colleagues and associates... You need to be in a cave in outer Mongolia to be unaware that financial times are bad these days, but there is one long-suffering profession that has been in terminal decline for a lot longer than the current cycle of crunching credit: Spot Foreign Exchange voice broking.

Ravaged by the machines (that do a significantly better job of matching buyers and sellers), their numbers have dwindled to a mere smattering of the hard-nosed, hard-drinking, handfuls-of-cash-waving hordes that swarmed The City in the heady days of the ERM. I'm not sure I'll miss the hollow-friendship banter and bravado, but I will miss the playground nicknames: 'Scampi', 'Cheddar', 'Lurch', 'Screamer', and so many more I have forgotten. It was like living in a Bash Street Kids comic strip on a daily basis.

Extremely rare image of spot monkey reading a newspaper while commuting to work...

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Extremely rare image of monkey reading a newspaper after a hard day in the jungle...

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Glamoraks

Do you ever wonder what you were up to 30 years ago (70s teen need not answer)? Or, for the younger readers, what other people, like your parents, were up to? Well, I can't say I dwell on such matters normally but it's fascinating what you come across when sifting through a time-warp junk mountain (before I get any specific comments, I know not all of it was junk!)...

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In November 1979, when the UK was ironically struggling through severely adverse economic conditions, 15 of your English pences would buy you Britain's 'top selling' weekly for women, Woman's Own (I still, to this day, don't know what that title means: Woman's Own what? What woman?). Anyway, one glance at the cover can tell you that while in the desk-top publishing interweb age magazine's have come along visually somewhat, the content matter seems vaguely, if not very clearly, familiar.

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"The most important girl in Prince Charles' life-who is she?" A fine question indeed, and it's even more interesting to read inside quotes from the man himself explaining how important it is to be careful in selecting the future queen of England. Quite.

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"Exclusive What it's like to be rich- by the wife of Britain's first £1million footballer*" The numbers may be a little different but I'm thinking the WAGs of today probably would recognise a passing reflection.

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Make-up tips, win cars, holidays and cash, how to make your bedroom out of bamboo for £20 (IKEA forerunner)... Have we moved on? A look at the adverts is revealing: Discount food brands (same price as today, but offer subject to availability), State Express cigarettes (good riddance), New Blue Band ("eat natural - feel good" health kick mantra), The Bendix Rotary Ironer ("for people who can't stand ironing"), and my own favourite: "Germany. Maker of fine foods."

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Halifax (HBOS to the juniors) is a good one - "There are lots of ways you can save with the Halifax. For instance you can open a Paid-up Share Account with just £1.." which coincidentally is about what it would still be worth today. If you're lucky.

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Unfortunately "Glamoraks" - the newest, shiniest jackets around in '79 - didn't last the fashion course.

(p.s. why does that yellow jump-suit zipper start at the bottom?)

*I'll leave that obvious little bit of trivia open for the comments page :-)

Loving The Elbow Grease

In the last week of furious activity I have been reminded of a few things.

The first is how much I actually enjoy physically demanding work. After twenty years of sitting on an increasingly accomodating @rse, spending a week shifting heavy objects from one place to another (not-necessarily-more-appropriate) place has been thoroughly agreeable. Although not as agreeable as that most English of pastimes, building bonfires. It's quite extraordinary how quickly and furiously 1970s furniture and bric-a-brac combusts with only the slightest of encouragement.

I've remembered that wheelbarrows are a quite astonishingly good invention and pondered who came up with the idea and when.

After relocating the equivalent contents of a medium-sized bookshop across the farmyard and down the stairs to the cellar, my aching back and limbs have reminded me that books are heavy and generally designed to be handled one at a time.

Most of all, I've remembered the meaning of the word ambrosial, because after a long day up to my arms in elbow grease, that is how a gratifyingly cold beer tastes...

Phriday Photo XXIX

Ever have one of those dreams where you're running as hard as you can but getting nowhere? It feels like you're in treacle, your limbs in slow-motion, unable to gain any traction.

Banker's nightmare: Swimming upstream in a river of one's own red ink...

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Permanent Vacation

They say a change is as good as a rest. It's not like we're on holiday but working full time on something you really enjoy doesn't really feel like work, and I have found myself occasionally seeking out Aerosmith's great 80's album "Permanent Vacation" on the ipod, and smiling to myself as I air-drum through the intro to "Heart's Done Time."

The dearth of posts this week is partly down to the rapidly-prototyping Dennis, but moreso the fact that it's half-term and the hordes have descended. The mini-somnambulists have been joined by a succession of friends, family and neighbours and the Applehouse has been full to bursting...

we've had a 'Superbowl party' atmosphere in the Applehouse...

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the bar billiards table proved a roaring success and made it through the week largely unscathed...

the permanent marker pen was confiscated on day two...

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the over-exercised hairy one took a nap whenever he got the chance, and wherever he dropped.

Now it's back to school, work and more fun :-)

Phriday Photo XXVIII

There are a few people I know who are feeling a bit exposed and vulnerable this week. This one's a little light relief for them.

"See you, Jimmy"

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Zero Done

There once was an options trader, who, having made a (very) wrong price, and then been challenged on the price (twice), and finally been hit on the price in size, suddenly realised that he must have made a mistake. In a derivation of the normal derivative deal confirmation statement, he replied with:

"Zero done."

It might have been the oxymoronic tautology of the phrase that made it stick, or perhaps it was the very strong accent that gave it an Inspector Clouseau feel. Whatever it was that tickled traders' warped psychology, "Zaaayrow Dun." became a well-used turn of phrase, wheeled out whenever it was necessary to wryly indicate that an unfortunate interested party had failed to complete their desired transaction, deal or objective on account of being too late, too slow or simply incompetent.

Unfortunately, with the banking system in such a pickle at the moment, it seems a lot of traders are coming to terms with 'zero done' in the current compensation round.

"What was that? Bad line... it sounded like 'zaaayrow dun on zee bow-noose...'"

Phriday Photo XXVII

An added bonus this week - not one, not two but phour photos! You've probably seen these ones before but they're worth another look for a Friday morning smile...

If recovery services were run by bankers...

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Getting Serious

The most valuable, exciting piece of equipment has at last arrived at the A Tiger In Africa office. And there was much rejoicing.

I'm not talking about the frustratingly overdue wireless router and broadband connection that was installed at the end of last month. Nor do I mean the stylish, Apple Mac, resplendent in its righteous white, now piously gracing one of the desks (we bow to it each time we go past).

I don't even mean the super-snazzy, bells and whistles Blackberry Storm that we collected yesterday (I predict the emergence of a dangerous divide between the iPhone and BS camps!).

Instead I refer to the simple yet crucially effective ATIA whiteboard that will finally fill its designated wall space and become, no doubt, the cornucopial font of all that is called Dennis.

Our best bit of kit...

Monday Blues

Not so long ago I used to get that Monday morning feeling that my day job was largely about taking cr+p from multiple directions. Fortunately for me, that job now belongs to UDH Boy, and my main concern this Monday morning is that the miserable downpour underway is interrupting my firewood collecting schedule...

It's a dirty job but someone has to do it

Dennis Update

At the time of writing Dennis is a couple of weeks late. I hope that this isn't a sign that he's pregnant and about to spawn lots of little Dennisses and Denises. We wouldn't have the space.

The principle reason for his tardiness is the greater-than-expected amount of time required to crystallise the theoretical model and design. We're are not overly concerned by being a little behind schedule - partly because all involved agree that the extra time spent in recent weeks has been worthwhile and will pay dividends in due course, and partly because now that we are entering the rapid-prototyping phase Simplicity will be adding extra resources to keep us as close to track as possible.

There is an almost tangible buzz of excitement circulating at the moment. From our (ATIA) perspective, seeing our long-fermented ideas not just taking shape but being refined and improved is enthralling. The Simplicity developers are also bringing their own enthusiasm for the project and Dennis' prospects...

Lahore Tummy

Yesterday afternoon we gave a presentation and got our heads together with the dynamic Dennis development team at Simplicity, up in Islington. A friendly few Friday evening snifters followed in the Slug & Lettuce and it seemed like a great idea to stop by the Lahore Kebab House, just off Commercial Road, on the way home.

It's changed a bit over the years, from the tiny transport style cafe with old flaking formica tables and creaking benches with foam coming out at the seams, to the huge, sprawling restaurant it is now, somehow managing to be swanky and tacky at the same time. The kitchen is definitely larger than the entire establishment was 20 years ago.

What hasn't changed is the large throng of local residents waiting, many with their carrier bags full of refreshments from the off licence next door, ready to grab some seats at one of the big (now circular) tables. Nor has the quality of the food, which is quite simply addictive. In fact, over the years there have been rumours (quite untrue, I'm sure) of certain illegal ingredients being used to 'spice' up the dishes, such is the elation experienced by the happy, compulsive diners.

The ramifications the next morning are still the same too. The sudden urge to leap out of bed and dive into the bathroom, where one then has plenty of time on one's hands to, for example, compose blog posts. Yes, it's been a while but the old Lahore tummy is like the return of a faithful friend...

Phriday Photo XXVI

There's something about today's photo that just reminds me of my previous place of employment. I can't say any more than that, since I am legally bound not to utter or publish a word that may be construed as criticism. Large cappos all round?

If your job has you in tears, lobby for a new coffee machine

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Out Of The Icebox, Into The Freezer

Despite the vast majority of the UK grinding to a halt, we managed to make it back from cold, snowy Zermatt to cold, snowy Kent. Unfortunately, despite having all the gear on hand, the North Downs just don't really have the lift infrastructure to take advantage of the conditions. Maybe we should have stayed a little longer.

Privileged to be guests at one of the finest chalets in the Swiss alps, a fantastic long weekend was had by all. Well, almost all. Unfortunately, our delightful hostess with the mostest was struck down with a savage dose of the Irish lurgy and missed her own 40th birthday party. As disconsolate as we were that she couldn't make it, we tried to console ourselves with a bit of skiing and general wallowing about in luxury, being waited on hand and foot.

This left plenty of time on one's feet to ponder much that is deep and meaningful...

The most important accessory in cold weather is a good pair of ski socks. And the most important accessories on a good pair of ski socks are "unique dexter-sinister* identifiers." Having the letters 'R' and 'L' on each sock means that you usually put them on the correct foot (we'll ignore the fact that someone spent a day on the slopes sporting a fine pair of 'RIGHTS'), which means that you don't end up with funny shapes and folds in the wrong place, leading to excrutiating discomfort.

There is nothing you need more when skiing (and when standing around in bars after skiing) than an absence of unwanted wrinkles inside hard ski boots...

...except, perhaps, a bloody great mountain covered in snow.

A VERY big happy 13th birthday to Joshnambulist :-))

*before Lord Andrew of Goulding claims it, I have already reserved "Dexter Sinister" as the name for my thrash metal project.

Added bonus: a much better Matterhorn from the balcony yesterday morning...

Muttley Teresa

The underexercised hairy one has a problem with his ear, which is a shame as his ears are his most endearing feature. Like all Vizslas they are large, flappy and bleed profusely from the tiniest nick. Following an operation to attempt to patch him back together last week we have become frequent visitors to the local v-e-t-s. I do feel sorry for the poor little mite, but couldn't help chuckling as the increasingly frustrated animal doctors dressed him up as a nun.

Shortly after the photo below was taken, he managed to wrestle his ears free again and shake his head with his normal vigour. It was like a Quentin Tarantino movie. We carted him off in the blood wagon to be patched up again... for the fourth time that day.

"This is as far as I go. I'm not wearing the habit."

Sometimes, The Black Hole's Inside Ya

Someone who I am proud to call a friend called me for some moral support. At work he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders, unappreciated and unrewarded, with little chance of things improving in the near future. He's a long way fom home and absorbs great pressure and responsibility for the welfare of his loved ones, while feeling remote from their day-to-day support. The harder he tries, the more he feels he is going nowhere.

Yet he is made of strong stuff, and he will persevere and continue on to great things in all aspects of his life, I have no doubt about that.

We all feel that oppressive doom and gloom now and again, when help from around you seems unavailing at best and the inner light is flickering and fading.

My personal antidote to this is a song called "Come Back Brighter" by Reef. I find a secluded spot, make sure that no-one is around (for their own benefit and safety), put the headphones on and then massacre the lyrics at the top of my voice...

Happy Birthday to Annambulist!!

Phriday Photo XXV

How's your New Year's new lose-weight-get-fit-routine coming on? Personally, I'm a touch behind target but I'm blaming it on the stress...

Step class. U.S. style.

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A Star Is Born

A hearty congratulations this morning to UDH Boy and his clan. Clearly he felt that he hasn't quite enough to fill his plate at the moment and went about adding a fresh son and heir to the team, who arrived on the scene yesterday.

Given UDH's background, and the fact that one of the lad's names is that of a famous popular culture messianic figure, UDH Jnr already carries a great weight of expectation. I can imagine that already, his new nursery is festooned with discarded large-button calculators, old EBS keypads and the odd handset. He should be ready for the EUR/YEN seat within about six months...

Fill Yer Boots

Yesterday Daddy Papersurfer wrote a post about boot sales, reminding me that against my better instincts, we may be forced to participate in one of these folorn events as an inevitable last resort, some time in the not too distant future.

Just recently, we offered to store a certain relative's belongings in the farm packing shed. We weren't prepared for the HGV that turned up with a truly staggering stockpile of chattelery, agglomerated over at least a quarter century. Some of the artefacts are quite extraordinarily bizarre. In fact, the kind of thing you will only ever find at a cold, muddy boot sale...

The underexercised hairy one views proceedings with bemused apprehension

Cannon Fodder

I'm still mapping out the collection of small, perfectly spherical contusions that are scattered across my aching body. I assume that they are randomly distributed, but for a moment, as I glanced in the full-length mirror this morning, I could swear that I looked like a negative print of the Ursa Major.

The most painful spot is the Seven Sisters constellation on the back of my neck and shoulder. I can still picture the crazed maniac standing above me as I lay prostrate in the mud behind a flimsy wooden barricade...an unbridled concoction of adrenalin and hormones emitting a bloodcurdling roar as he attempted to empty his magazine of small, frost-hardened paintballs at my head. Muzzle velocity: 202 mph. Adolescent ferocity: Off-the-scale.

Mini-somnambulist I, and some of his chums about to attain teenageship, decided they would have a paintball party: "no presents please, just bring money for ammo." It seems that regular frustrations, plus murderous instincts developed by killing each other online playing "Call Of Duty" on a daily basis, require an additional release channel, with Dads as slow-moving targets.

I can't think why I never suggested we play this with my old work colleagues...

Small but highly dangerous and unpredictable. On no account arm with paint grenades or smoke bombs.

Happy Birthday to Jeznambulist!

Phriday Photo XXIV

A lot of change goin' on around here this week. Wonder how long it'll take for them to get around to repainting this particular sign...

"Just take the next left past Oxymorons 'R' Us..."

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The Apple House

Apologies for the lack of posts in recent weeks. Despite being well ensconced in the 21st Century, it seems telecoms in deepest, darkest Kent still take a fair amount of arranging. We’ve finally got a phone but will be without internet connection for another week or so, and the expensive 3G “dongle” I bought is, when it permits a connection, slower than my first ever dial-up modem. Emails are just about tolerable (no large attachments please!), but web-browsing is less productive than watching glaciers melt.

Anyway, I have bravely ventured into the anarchic void that is Chatham, in order to hurriedly upload a couple of photos of the Apple House as we move in. Despite being surrounded by innumerable cardboard boxes, there is already a distinct vibe of enthusiasm and excitement swirling around what will be A Tiger In Africa’s main base. The space oozes calm and positive energy...

The Apple House - where Dennis will be brought to life in the coming weeks

Phriday Photo XXIII

There's a good chance that you are thinking about starting a diet this month. Don't forget to exercise too. And if necessary, get some bigger clothes in the January sales in the meantime...

Mission Impossible

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Happy New Year!

The Somnambulists wish all visitors the very best in 2009, the year of The Dennis! :-)