Friday, 29 August 2008

Phriday Photo V

They take civil misdemeanours very seriously sausageside. If you do not know all the rules or code of conduct, rest assured it will not take long for someone to take time out of their otherwise busy schedule to tell you off. Reprimanding others (and especially Auslanders) is kind of a national pastime. An enthusiasm admonishment, the like of which I haven't witnessed since my O-level Geography master used to bark his way through classes.

Car horns are fitted and used for one purpose only: to express annoyance at other road users who do not recognise their superiors and cede right of way immediately under all circumstances.

If you step out of line as a pedestrian it means that you a) don't know the rules, b) are clearly an Auslander, and c) are therefore an entirely valid target for bristling contempt (I swear I hear irascible bicycle-bell pinging in my sleep). If you dare to cross a road when the red man is on (whether or not there is a single car within 100km is totally irrelevant) it will be to a chorus of tuts, snorts and of course the occasional, lengthy castigation, followed by a member of the Schutzpolizei popping out from behind a lamp-post to fine you ten Euros...

The fearsomely world-reknowned crack Polizeitotalpedestriancontrolsquad on manoeuvres

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Surely those wheelie thingies are in contravention of the 'no bikes on pavement' bylaw? I saw this one lead to a flustered Mum avec full shopping basket and child in seat being almost physically removed from her bike outside the local Sparkasse last week - when she RODE the two meters from the bike parking stand to the road..."Halt! Jetzt! Das ist ein fussweg...."

Personally, I find dropping two cogs and accelerating very quickly is the best answer to such reprimands (mini UDH girl knows to hold tight),and remember to thank the big Auslander in the sky that (as yet) bicycles don't have number plates.

Daddy Papersurfer said...

I'm sure you deserve every 'tut' and 'tsk' you get ........ and did you learn anything in Geography?

Somnambulist said...

@UDH - they have bylaws? Is there somewhere you can look them up? I imagine a vast warehouse of contradicting logic somewhere in the depths of the Schwarzwald...

Bylaw the way, who is the big Auslander in the sky? Is that Interim Boss?

@DP - Lie-in this morning? The only thing I learnt in Geography was Glaciation... Tiggz must have been away for that lesson (maybe he was under arete?).

Lynne Rees said...

Drivers use their car horns vociferously here in the South of France too, often to indicate what a 'con' the person is in front, or in front of the car in front, or even at the front of the queue that you can't even see the beginning of somewhere in front of you. BUT, on Saturdays if you hear car horns hooting and blaring along the road they're announcing a wedding party. Which is kind of nice and beats the Wedding March anyday. Mind you, if it's the party on the way to ceremony they could be saying 'don't do it'!

Somnambulist said...

They do the wedding - car horn cacophony thing too.. must be a continental habit. They seem to particularly like doing it on Saturdays. Usually as they drive past the golf club en masse, when one is trying to concentrate on a tricky putt...

Anonymous said...

Now come on - 'they make me miss my putts'? Sounds like an excuse for Sparkly Aph kicking your butt (again)

70steen said...

oo this post stirred up a few memories for me! A few years ago whilst visiting my hotel in sausage ville. The train stopped at St. Goarshausen.. my daughter got off the train, I reached round for our case, turned back and then the doors slammed shut before I could get off.... she was running up the platform crying after te train (god I knew how people felt in WW2)
I legged it up the train to the guard... conjured up my school gal sausage language (of course this is not spelt correctly) 'mine Kinder ist elf jahren alt ist at St. Goarshausen...'
He calmly pointed at his watch and at a timetable and tutted at me !!

How dare he tut at me !!
I then swore at him in English and he tutted again.


I went the next station and I learnt there that my 11 year old had hooked up with a Polizeitotalpedestriancontrol
and was ok!
My teen now tells me she will never ever set foot in Germany again!!

Somnambulist said...

@UDH - I need all the excuses I can get!

@70s - Thanks for sharing your story... I sooo know how you must have been feeling. "I am in a crisis here and all you can do is berate me for not adhereing to 'the schedule'" Been there. Frequently!!