"Naturally, there has to be a knock on effect from the profligate spending that the Bank has carried out whilst building a Bluetooth Headset stockpile to rival that of the Carphone Warehouse.
It would seem that the dealing room air conditioning maintenance budget has become the Yin to the headset accumulation Yang, and as the aircon has ground to a halt we have seen temperatures climbing rapidly. Conditions became positively tropical a week or two ago when the outdoor temperatures hit 30+, and so I was delighted when Trywalker decided upon his own initiative to go out and purchase a team fan, for placing on the desk between us.
Trywalker returned a short time later wielding what appeared to be a splendid example of a desktop fan, and he and FVJ set about "installing" the equipment. I noticed a small flurry of activity behind me involving said fan and various tutting noises but, trusting Trywalker, my star trader, to be able to override or at least circumnavigate the complete lack of sense (of the common, rare or in fact any variety) present in FVJ, I left the two of them to it and looked forward to enjoying the cooling effects of the fan sometime shortly thereafter.
Now, things got a little busy for the next couple of hours, evidenced by me, well, UDH'ing away and Trywalker using copious amounts of the trading force. Suddenly, during a break from our battles against the rest of the market, I noticed the temperature was continuing to ratchet higher and the keenly-awaited cooling desktop team fan was, in fact, not on the space where Trywalkers' desk and mine adjoin, as had been planned. Remembering the age old saying "There is no I in 'team'", I stole a quick glance at SB's desk, to ensure there was not a bit of"I think I shall have that fan" action going on, but mercifully SB was in his customary position whilst making fast aggressive prices and keenly fighting the FX markets - asleep at his (fanless) desk.
"Where's that dastardly fan?" I enquired of FVJ (or words to that effect).
"Ah. Uh. THAT fan? " Responded FVJ, in his inimitable 'it definitely wasn't MY fault' voice. I clarified that it was indeed the only desktop fan within 100 metres of our location (the one lying on its side on the desk directly next to FVJ) to which I was referring.
"Broken" sniffed FVJ, keeping his replies notably shorter than when he doesn't think he's ballsed up. [NB. Ask this chap a blameless, open or opinion related question and watch him talk for hours (you watch but don't listen because the bullsh+t deflector ear protectors start working after Dr Ramblers' previously discussed bullsh+t radar has spotted the incoming missiles after around ten seconds). Ask him "what did you do to my
"Wellyouseeitwasn'tworkingwhenweunpackeditandIpluggeditinandthetimerwasclicking but thefanwasnotworkingsoItookitapartandthewiringwaswrongsoItookitbacktotheshopand...." I stopped the breathless diatribe with another 'friendly' stare and before FVJ could get a trademark "but, but, but" response out of his mouth, stepped over to investigate said fan, which upon closer inspection was in several more pieces than is normally expected, with underbase wiring exposed and the base / stem assembly very much disconnected.
"So, ***** (for once I called him by name not expletive here actually, but as our Holey Whale Hunter has deemed names need to be withheld to protect the incompetent he gets 5 stars here, for probably the first and last time in his life) you unpacked the fan, plugged it in, found it was not working, took it apart, ascertained the wiring was wrong, then took it back to the shop, brought the replacement here and have subsequently, I am guessing, found that the exact same wiring fault exists?"
"Exactly!" he replied triumphantly.
"And you deem that the timer is getting power because it is clicking, and that the incoming wiring only feeds the timer switch and not the fan?"
"That's RIGHT!" he almost yelps with glee at realising that I am on his side about this darn faulty fan after all.
"*****, I know you are an aeronautical engineer by qualification, and I never even went to Uni so I probably have no place to question this... but did you ever consider whilst dismantling two fans and finding this same 'fault' that the electrical socket you are using to test it could be the faulty item?"
The blank incoming look that followed is something I have become accustomed to with FVJ, although this time it was mercifully silent and didn't include the normally omnipresent accompniment of "well, yeah I KNEW that already...".
"Err well, no it cannot be the socket, because the timer is definitely getting power".
"On what are you basing that assumption" I ask, knowing and dreading the answer...."Well, it clicks when you turn the dial".
"Have you ever heard of wind up timing devices?" I ask.
The penny drops, with the kind of resounding clang that only occurs when coins are allowed to fall inside huge vacant spaces.
"Weeeeell, it doesn't LOOK like a wind up timer." comes the initial response, although even FVJ has to realise where this line of defence is going.
"Try this other socket here" I suggest, indicating one which we knew worked.
FVJ proceeded to start removing the chest of desk drawers and clambering beneath the desk before I swatted him around the ears and explained we could test the fan in the socket BEFORE we spent five minutes neatly tucking the wiring underneath the desktops...Lo and behold the fan's complicated faulty wiring issues were fixed by taking the radical last chance step of plugging it into a functional electrical socket. The fate of the dismantled "faulty" fan that went back to the shop is as yet unknown, although it is likely to have been "fixed" somewhat quicker than ours.
Needless to say, I think for the safety of aviators and air travellers everywhere its probably good that this particular Aeronautical Engineer has headed into the banking industry at the moment. My loss is probably a lot of peoples safety gained."
Thanks UDH Boy. Hurry back.
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