Another Day At A Medium-Sized International Investment Bank (II)

A nervy moment yesterday morning. New boss and new boss' boss (newly appointed deputy board member - no, I don't know what that means either) double-teamed me by appearing at the desk unannounced, and asking to have a word. On a Monday morning. These moments NEVER lead to anything good. For example, it is an office politiks fact that they categorically never lead to conversations that go along the lines of "we think you should have a bigger bonus." They were here for a purpose, and it would undoubtedly be their purpose, not my purpose.

Fortunately, I had removed my problogging apparatus. Investment bank board members expect people in their trading rooms to be a little bit on the edgy side, but as long as they look like they are busy making money and not destroying the bank's capital they are usually fairly happy. Conversely, senior people sitting around with cardboard boxes on their heads probably sends conflicting messages, and might have been difficult to explain.

In any event, the heavyweights ushered me towards the windows, just far enough out of earshot so that even the power-wafting bluetooth headsetters would have to strain to hear, but close enough so that everyone can quite clearly see that a purposeful conversation is taking place. It's visible posturing straight out of a Sopranos script, and you know only one person in the trio is getting their hands dirty...

I was already a bit hot under the collar, but then new boss' boss uttered the most dreadful words possible:

"We want to run something by you..."

Now, that may sound harmless to the innocent blog-reader, but to those that have some knowledge of the world of deviousbankenpolitiken (or to any dedicated fans of "The Sopranos". Or even "Yes, Prime Minister") it's truly terrifying. To translate, this means only one thing. They have had an idea. Worse than that, their idea will have a significant effect on my area, and
I am now expected to offer an 'opinion' that supports their idea, and then carry it out. There is absolutely no point whatsoever in offering an alternative opinion, since it's their idea and therefore we will be doing it anyway, over my dead body if necessary, so I had better get used to it (all couched in nice, friendly, team-oriented management-speak).

The true meaning of that opening statement can be revealed simply by replacing the word "by" with the word "over."

Anyway, I am now naturally sworn to secrecy on the idea, so pausing only to send UDH Boy a quick email to give him the heads-up and the sunbed shivers, I got to work straight away on implementation. Obviously, I don't need to explain who is going to carry the can when it all goes t+ts up.