Starting Blogic

I have never kept a diary before, so why start now? In public (well, sort of)? There are a handful of reasons, and so for good order, I thought I would jot them down for my own interest.

First and foremost, I am embarking on a course of significant change, and leaving aside for now the validity of the particular avenue I am pursuing, I am keen to explore my own motivations in more depth. While I have tried to analyse and understand this on a rational level, I am also very aware that the real driving force is an intangible that I just cannot ignore, and I think attempting to articulate will assist in scratching the itch. Stepping off the gravy train to take major risks, at a time in life when most people are seeking to mitigate or eliminate them, deserves some soul-searching. In short, this will be a glorious exercise in self-indulgent navel-gazing.

Peering beyond the fuzzy, blue lint for a moment, ....when did THAT turn grey?! Sorry, distracted for a sec there.... it occurred to me that other people may actually have an interest in reading about this. If that sounds in any way self-important, let me clarify that I'm referring to the plot-line not the actor. For some, there should be some value in following the start-up process in 'real-time', principally to take note(s) of my inevitable mistakes. For others, I sense the life-change process is something that may be close to many hearts. For those that are also taking a mid-life plunge into the unknown, perhaps I can offer some solidarity. For those that would like to, but cannot bring themselves to break the shackles, there may be a mild vicarious pleasure without the likely train wreck (and don't feel guilty about the schadenfreude). It's a bit like the underdog getting to half-time in the FA Cup final (there's only one match in life, so it has to be the final), being 4-1 up, and then deciding to go and play rugby in the second half. At first glance, it seems irrational, the odds of success are not good and there is a serious risk of injury. But let's face it, whatever happens, it should make good TV.

There is of course the small chance that we are not barking mad, that (like every other start-up ever) we have the key to changing the world. Maybe we really can harness the power of social-networking and collaborative content generation for the not-inconsequential goal of creating order out of chaos in the unfathomable data mine that we call the Internet. Perhaps we really can usher in the next phase beyond Web 2.0. What a story we would have then...

A former boss had a wonderful phrase for breaking such trains of thought: "...and then I woke up, and my hat was on fire!", he would say :-)

Back in the real world, it's my hope that this blog will also provide a little aid to self-discipline. One of my biggest weaknesses that I have so far spotted, flushed out, cornered and tried to put in a box is a troubling tendency to not finish things I have started. I have a large collection of half-painted canvasses, for instance. Some of them are actually quite old. So I find making a verbal commitment, to as many people as possible, increases the chances of taking the project to at least an acceptable status of completion. Telling people gets results - this is not a 'cum hoc ergo propter hoc' fallacy, it's just a simple fact that it is harder for me to accept the shame of backing down and admitting defeat, than it is to carry on regardless (regardless, that is, of how far down the dark, blind alley you have gone). I cringe and shudder at conversations that start "Hey, weren't you going to **fill in blank with fleeting interest/venture/resolution** . So, what happened there then?", and proceed with pathetic, embarrassed rationalisation on my part. I have gone through periods of almost total social reclusion for this very reason. In this case, the commitment is doubly binding. Not only am I declaring the intended path, but also I am actually writing it down and documenting it as we go, leaving a veritable audit trail of intent: I have deliberately removed the option of resorting to "well, I didn't exactly say THAT..."

Oh, and finally there is of course the undeniable fact that since teenage years I have secretly always wanted to be as cool as the papersurfers. They always seemed to be able to do everything that I would consider very difficult (growing houses out of bricks, for example), with disconcerting ease and an air of nonchalance. They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery.

I hope that whoever ends up reading this finds something of interest here. In the last few months, I have tried to impart a certain casualness to the close friends who know what's on the cards, but privately, to me, it's all actually rather exciting. I wonder how well I will do at recording the mundane and dreary, when it comes.

If this blog dies a death in three weeks, please feel to send an email saying 'SOMNAMBULIST, YOU ARE A LOSER' in the largest available type-face.