Friday, 25 July 2008

Hands-free Phone Sets

There isn't really a great deal that genuinely irritates me (well, except for... no, let's not go there) but the recent office trend of using bluetooth-enabled cordless headsets is seriously getting on my nerves.

It's not the headsets per se, but rather the behavioural shift that accompanies their use. Specifically, just talking to someone who happens to be wearing one of these high-tech alice bands takes on a new dynamic. Take, for instance, those awkward pauses after you ask someone an equally awkward question. Is that gormless, vacant look on your face your normal gormless, vacant look of incomprehension, or are you actually listening to your gormless, vacant broker? Or on a conference call with your gormless, vacant technology vendor? Or spending company money on premium-rate phonelines?

Some kind of blinking light on top of your head to indicate that you are 'on-line' might be appropriate, perhaps...but then again, it already feels like an episode of Dr Who in here as it is.

However, the part that reeeally gets up my nose is that the passageway that runs along the length of the dealing room windows, and with unfortunate coincidence right behind my seat, is now Jerry Macguire Avenue. I have a constant parade of ego-pumping psycho-bankers power-wafting up and down, living in their own nightmarish reality-TV show, occasionally pausing right
behind my head to add extra emphasis to their condescending pitches, and leaving a pungent miasma of testosterone and bullsh+t wafting around my desk.

At A Tiger In Africa offices, these devices will be banned.

"Hey! Herr Gitschleim... how about you get yourself a) A phone, b) A life, c) Away from my desk."

4 comments:

Daddy Papersurfer said...

The aspect that amuses me is the old fellas, wearing baggy jeans and dirty white trainers, with greasy hair and in need of a shave, that I'm convinced wear ear-pieces as a fashion accessory but don't actually own a mobile phone.

[love the concept of 'power-wafting']

Somnambulist said...

Errrm I don't mean to be rude, DP, but was that a self-portrait??

orangepeel said...

Of course, one mustn't ignore the inherent benefit of the headphone/microphone combo when confronted by hyperactive, overfriendly bib-wearing charity-muggers.

Pretend to be on a call or listening to thrash metal while walking nonchalantly by...

Somnambulist said...

That is actually a very good point... although I find my sunglasses&earmuff ensemble equally suitable to the task.