I'm still mapping out the collection of small, perfectly spherical contusions that are scattered across my aching body. I assume that they are randomly distributed, but for a moment, as I glanced in the full-length mirror this morning, I could swear that I looked like a negative print of the Ursa Major.
The most painful spot is the Seven Sisters constellation on the back of my neck and shoulder. I can still picture the crazed maniac standing above me as I lay prostrate in the mud behind a flimsy wooden barricade...an unbridled concoction of adrenalin and hormones emitting a bloodcurdling roar as he attempted to empty his magazine of small, frost-hardened paintballs at my head. Muzzle velocity: 202 mph. Adolescent ferocity: Off-the-scale.
Mini-somnambulist I, and some of his chums about to attain teenageship, decided they would have a paintball party: "no presents please, just bring money for ammo." It seems that regular frustrations, plus murderous instincts developed by killing each other online playing "Call Of Duty" on a daily basis, require an additional release channel, with Dads as slow-moving targets.
I can't think why I never suggested we play this with my old work colleagues...
Small but highly dangerous and unpredictable. On no account arm with paint grenades or smoke bombs.
Happy Birthday to Jeznambulist!
11 comments:
About to attain teenageship? I suddenly feel quite old. I hope I manage to leave university before they start...
happy birthday to your evil little munchkin.
(don't give him my blog address until he's 18 :-)
@lazy - I wouldn't be so hasty. The Obama years will probably be a good time to be a student.
@nursey - given some of the surprising things I hear them say, it's quite possible that they are already avid readers of your highly informative writings. And they always seem a little slow to get to school on Fridays for some reason...
hee hee I remember some colleagues who set up a paintball party...being a girly I wasn't invited (thank goodness).... one of the lads was later accused of having an affair by his wife as this huge 'love bite' type bruise suddenly appeared on his neck ... oh & didn't they bleat on about the pain lol :-)
I've always wanted a go at that!!!! - but I think I might have changed my mind now. I'll think of you every time I see the 'Plough' now ..... obviously
@70s - "Yes, dear, I got it from PAINTballing... honest!" hehe :-)
@DP - You should give it a try! It was a lot of fun. Since nobody had the slightest military know-how, in six games no team got even close to their assigned objectives but simply embarked in random charges and mass slaughter (perhaps we won't go for the "Somme" module next time).
With nothing even remotely sensible to say about paintball, I'll give you some stand-up banter:
"My wife said that I should try to lose some weight. She said I should have sex five times a week to burn off some calories. I told her I'd book her in for two of the sessions."
@laog - :-))) since you've changed the subject...
"Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." George Burns
Hahahaha! Yes, I've heard enough of these 'games' to know I never want to take part without full body armour. Although I thought once your opponent was hit and down, you were supposed to stop firing. Tut tut.
Speaking of Sex at 90, My paramour, Madame X, has been quite taken with Girls Of The Playboy Mansion, for some reason. Don't understand it, myself.
@Jay - you'd be surprised how such small details as "the rules" get overlooked when the red mist descends!
@laog - that's conjured some interesting mental images.. thanks (I think!)
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