Phriday Photo XIII

As financial markets freeze up and asset prices collapse around the world, many participants are feeling more than a little foolish for buying things they didn't really understand. As exciting as complex, structured derivatives sounded, what a lot of people are noticing is that they were a lot easier to get into than they are to get out of.

An equine tree-hugger learns first hand the value of a clearly defined exit-strategy when committing oneself in unfamiliar territory

p.s. in case your were worried, the gee-gee was set free with the aid of a chainsaw, physically unharmed. Doubts remain over his mental state, however. When the farmer was asked what he was doing in the tree in the first place, he replied simply "barking."

Feeling Hungary?

Hungary is in trouble. Or should I say its markets are in trouble. Money is flooding out of Hungary in a way that it simply couldn't out of Iceland. This is not really a big deal since the Hungarians have been there, and done that, in pretty much every respect, and will take such things fully in their stride. While the rest of the world shudders in the face of financial crises, Hungarians will tweak its nose and dare it to chase them into Transylvania.

However, it did get me thinking about things, other than money, that come out of Hungary. Apart from goulash and a repuation for fearsome freedom fighters, there are only two things I know that come from this fine central European state. One I can recommend heartily, and the other I warn you never to approach.

Dogs are man's best friend and the best dog of them all is a Hungarian Vizsla. These gorgeous, ancient and noble beasts are both highly intelligent, and the most loyal and affectionate of all canines. They are called 'velcro' dogs, because they become so attached to their humans, they will follow them lovingly and longingly from room to room, just to be close...

Hungary's other contribution to the world as I know it is Unicum. This is indisputably the most revolting drink known to mankind. How it came to be a marketable product is a story that is most likely lost in a Communist haze, although I have my suspicions that it was very likely a serious nationwide attempt at mass suicide following the Soviets' crushing of the 1956 revolution. It is a liquid ambush. When it touches your lips there is a very fleeting instant when you are tricked into believing it is imbued with some semblance of palatability. This is a ruse that is swept aside faster than a cold war student protest, and the rest of the experience is rather like one of those horrible vomit-in-the-mouth moments...yet in reverse. The net result is a great deal of retching, interspersed with debilitating stomach convulsions. I'd rather down a shot of mercury.

Somnambulist's advice is this: If someone offers you a Hungarian vizsla puppy, do everything within your mortal power to accept and accomodate this gift, to change your life and enjoy it to the very unexpected full.

If someone offers you Unicum, resist all adventurous impulses and do everything within your mortal power to put hundreds of kilometres between this vile substance and your sensitive internal organs. You have been notified...

Another Day At A Medium-Sized International Bank III

If you have ever wondered why the banking industry is in such a pickle, it’s because the kind of dialogue recorded below goes on day in, day out, everywhere. Much time is spent passing pseudo-information with no ultimate objective, value or resolution.

A typical exchange at a Medium-Sized International Bank between a trading desk and an unidentified administration department…

Opening email:

Dear UDH Boy,

A few minutes ago I spoke to someone else and they told me to ask you.
--> Do you know the reason that the product "foreign exchange/foreign currency/FX-Derivates" is depressed by OCB?
Is it the current Market situation, smaler Tickets or no dealing with MSIB.....?

Looking forward to your answer.
Thanks in advance

Kind regards

Mrs N.


Response:

Hi

I am not entirely sure I understand the question here... do you mean why has turnover declined between MSIB and this entity (it being the Ostrich Central Bank, I think?)? Why has the question come up?

As it stands, without more information, I am afraid I have no idea. I never knew that we ever dealt with them. I have certainly never seen them trade with my desk in the last two and a half years. I do not even know who would be the sales person or trader speaking with the Ostrich CB on FX products to be honest, as we do not have a dedicated Ornithological Counterparties sales desk or person.

Please let me know more about the query and I will try to assist more.

UDH


Ensuing phone call:

Mrs N.: “Hello, UDH Boy, can you tell me why we are doing less business with OCB?”

UDH: “Hello, as I said in my mail, I don’t think we have ever dealt with them in the 2 and a half years I have been here, and Schadenfreude Boy, who has been here a lot longer than the Euro, has never seen them either.”

Mrs N.: “Hmm. Why do you think we are doing less with them?”

UDH: “Less than zero? (pause for effect)… Errr not sure. Why do you need to know? What is the nature of the question, where does it come from and why?”

Mrs N.: “I am not sure. It is because we have to prepare for a first round vote.”

UDH: “Who does?”

Mrs N.: “Not sure.”

UDH: “Well, what for then? A credit limit change?”

Mrs N.: “I think so.”

UDH: “Increase or decrease? Who is seeking it?”

Mrs N.: “I don’t know.”

UDH: “Well I definitely don’t either. Let’s just say OCB is depressed – diagnosis, inconclusive.”

Mrs N.: “Thanks very much.”

UDH: “You’re welcome.”

Educating Trywalker II

Last week I decided it was time to inform young Trywalker, who knows much about economics and markets, about some of the more important aspects of life.

I have no idea where Lorzweiler is, or whether it is locally renowned for cheesy comestibles. Wherever it is, it's unlikely to be as smelly as its more prestigious twin-town.

This is where cheese comes from.

Calm Before The Storm

I had a very non-PC weekend. Sadly, there's nothing beguiling or insalubrious to report.. I just didn't get near the computer.

This was an entirely intentional moment of attention diversion, since balls are about to start rolling all over the place. As pieces begin slotting into place, it's like a pause in a game of Kerplunk! when you know that the next player to withdraw a straw is going to kick it all off...

In the meantime, back to the groundhog dayjob. Come on the proud Pound!

Which of these two guys hates their job more?

Phriday Photo XII

To Americans antiquity comes pretty much immediately after the expiration of a sell-by date, which makes me think that US tourists are most likely to be the target market for this particular small business...

You can't buy authenticity. Or maybe you can.

Happy birthday to both dadnambulist & SK :-)

Number Puzzle

The number series puzzle in this post a couple of weeks ago seemed to interest a few of you, so I thought I would post another one.

Trywalker, try to restrain yourself, and don't give the answer away on the comments page.

Answer to dan (at) atigerinafrica (dot) com, brainboxes will be listed in the hall of brain below...

What's the next number in the series?

7, 13, 23, 41, 75,...


List of Brainboxes
------------------
Trywalker - will turn it up a notch for you next time...
orangepeel - (or was it headteach ?! ;-)
sparklyaph - up early in the emerald isle :-)
TC - painting by numbers? :-D
UDentistH Boy - by mental subtraction, perhaps?
lazy - (after a good night's sleep)
TB - Took a few days off to move house...and figure out the answer :-)