There once was an options trader, who, having made a (very) wrong price, and then been challenged on the price (twice), and finally been hit on the price in size, suddenly realised that he must have made a mistake. In a derivation of the normal derivative deal confirmation statement, he replied with:
"Zero done."
It might have been the oxymoronic tautology of the phrase that made it stick, or perhaps it was the very strong accent that gave it an Inspector Clouseau feel. Whatever it was that tickled traders' warped psychology, "Zaaayrow Dun." became a well-used turn of phrase, wheeled out whenever it was necessary to wryly indicate that an unfortunate interested party had failed to complete their desired transaction, deal or objective on account of being too late, too slow or simply incompetent.
Unfortunately, with the banking system in such a pickle at the moment, it seems a lot of traders are coming to terms with 'zero done' in the current compensation round.
"Zero done."
It might have been the oxymoronic tautology of the phrase that made it stick, or perhaps it was the very strong accent that gave it an Inspector Clouseau feel. Whatever it was that tickled traders' warped psychology, "Zaaayrow Dun." became a well-used turn of phrase, wheeled out whenever it was necessary to wryly indicate that an unfortunate interested party had failed to complete their desired transaction, deal or objective on account of being too late, too slow or simply incompetent.
Unfortunately, with the banking system in such a pickle at the moment, it seems a lot of traders are coming to terms with 'zero done' in the current compensation round.
"What was that? Bad line... it sounded like 'zaaayrow dun on zee bow-noose...'"
13 comments:
and Zero Done so far for your post on the comments page ;)
life sucks..!
Trywalker, I truly hope your "life sucks" comment is a jokey throwaway comment about the stupidly difficult markets of late, and current state of no-bonus-included-employment, rather than a more general observation of life in your opinion.
From my perspective (assuming there is nothing wrong in your personal life that you're not telling me when I ask...) you are a healthy, fun, handsome (ish :)) young chap with a lovely girlfriend and loving family, and should be cheerier than that!
To boot, you are without question the most talented trader of your age I've come across, with the greatest potential for the future of any person I've worked with (with perhaps the exception of the Arb King himself, but then he was already at the pinnacle of his career when I worked alongside him and his bright future revolved around the fact he had already accumulated the capital to do whatever he chose in life... which actually turned out to be voluntarily working for Childline and helping bankrupt farmers in Africa as opposed to sailing a yacht around the caribbean! He remains one of my moral compass heroes :))
Sure, right now the banking world is a stinking pile of turd, and we're unlikely to see the financial rewards that were available pre-subprime anytime soon. That said, assuming this financial meltdown is not actually the real apocalypse we thought would come from a war in disguise, and we're not all running around like Mad Max in three years time, you'll undoubtedly be doing well for yourself in whichever trading room you're in then. If it is the apocalypse I'll fight with you on my side thanks!
My plaudits don't pay the bills I know, but fwiw, if I moved elsewhere you'd be the first person I would want to hire.
It pains me to see you take stuff so hard and personally when you're so much better than the people that fling it at you!
Udh.
Climbing down off my TW lecture soapbox...
The Inspector 47 "zaayro dunne" moment was really one of my standout memories of his time at our Formerly Medium Sized International Investment Bank. Primarily because I was the other side of it, and the look of shock on his face when I tried to properly thump his (triplicated) errant price was one I'll enjoy flashbacks of, even when I'm too old to remember what FX or a Yen option is.
To colour the story in a little bit (ok a lot, reading it back!) for people not "in" on the incident or trading in general, a few days before this I had, being a foolish spot monkey, purchased an fx option from the Inspector. (Option trading desks around the world have these great big windows all around them, so they can see mug spot monkeys coming in from a loooong way away, and have time to think up a brutally expensive but shiny looking train crash of an option idea to sell. Invariably the monkey likes the shiny buttons on the option, totally disregards the extortionate price and unsuitability of the structure for a monkey to play with and pays right up, making the option traders' weekly budget in the process).
As the days passed my options' value varied between that of a chocolate teapot and that of a (big) bag of Woolworths pick 'n mix.
When it looked, according to my monkey vision, like the option actually had a small 'real' value to it, I enquired as to how much it was worth. "C'est ...Nussink, mon ami..".
Whilst realising that I AM a monkey, I also realise that even a bag of old spanners has scrap value, and the same applies to options, even on the day they are due to expire.
Udh : "err you sure old chap? I know it's close to expiring but surely you should be showing me some kind of price where I can sell it back to you?"
Insp: "mais non, mon ami. 'eet 'as lost all value. Ze marqette for ze option you 'ave ees... zero choice".
To explain market speak here, "choice" prices are basically a price where you can buy or sell at the same level. So 'zero choice' means you can sell for...nothing.. Or you can buy for nothing.
Udh : (quickly, in a kinda breathless tone) "whassatyousayin? Zero choice? You having a turkish?"
Insp : "pardon moi, c'est pas a Turkish Lira option. Its a Yen one."
Udh : "I meant are you having a turkish bath. A laugh. Taking the p!ss. Whatever. Are you really saying it is zero choice?"
Insp: "ah. Le Turkish Bath.(Dreamily stares into space) I knew zees, 'ow you say, speziale, place in parees where...(Notices baleful glare from me). Er.No matter, I tell you avec une biere one time eeheheh.Non? Er. So yes, the price for your option, eet ees zero choice".
Udh : (reddening slightly and pulling myself up to my full five foot seven and a HALF) "ok, last time. Are YOU really ZERO choice for me now in this option??"
Insp : (starting to look a little bit tremulous, as he generally did when people asked him prices) "aaah. Oui. Yes. Zero choice for you."
Udh (in a quite unnecessarily aggressive snarl) "MINE. I'll buy everything you got available to sell. 20, 30, 50, 100, however many you want to sell, I will have 'em.ALL. Ok?"
Sniggers and general naughty schoolboy looks all around the spot desk as Le Inspector rocks back in his chair looking like someone has given him a Montyesque thwack with a salmon.
Insp: "ah, weeeelll. Eet ees not quite zero choice. Market. Eet's more like, say zero..twenty" (Implying he pays me zero to buy it from me, but I pay him twenty chocolate buttons to buy it from him. What? You didn't think we used REAL money did you. Look at the bloody banking industry...).
Udh : "what part of 'are you zero choice for me was confusing?"
Insp: "aahaha. Good one. Like ze Turkish bath, ahaha. Excusez moi, was there a question? We 'ave not dealt 'ave weeee? Zero done, right?"
Udh : "ZERO DONE. Magic." (Phone disintergrates in seven directions via a udh trademarked slap into the desk. Monkeys cower under desks but I could still hear them sniggering. Gits.
So was born the Zero Choice. A byword for "I am a clueless gimp that should not be allowed to wear a suit and pretend to be a banker". Oh, hang on, looks like there are a LOT of zero choicers about all of a sudden!!
Did I hear Trywalker mutter:
I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.
Laog, Is that a Python line? If not I don't really get it...
"The Spanish Inquisition" became a Pythin catchphrase meaning "you got more than you bargained for".
I don't know if the original sketch even relays that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSe38dzJYkY
I guess, you had to be there, circa 1972.
I know it is late (have had techy issues !) but I just have to say 'huh'?
veri is 'horip'.. does that sum summut up?? Along with the other phrases I have no knowledge of! ;-)
p.s. please ignore 'does that sum summut up??' and replace with 'does that sum it up'.... [that was not me but something I can't explain?] lol
@trywalker - nice of you to drop by ;-) While banking and blogging occasionally suck, I take issue with you about life. It's infinitely better than the alternative!
@UDH - Blimey! Making up for lost time on the comments pages around here eh?! Thanks for an elaborate and amusing illustration on the zero done topic, the trywalker pep talk, and LAOG has pointed you in the direction of the wonderful S.I. sketch. I can imagine that sometimes you feel similarly denuded of authoritarian power as our comedy clergy. "Spending too much time on ebay at work? Well, then, it's the COMFY CHAIR for you!!!"
@laog - NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amooongst our weaponary...
@70s - I just assumed that you were using funny oop North speak... ;-)
Look, I can use the comfy chair, the 90 minute lunch or the forced 16 weeks of sick leave to stamp my authority thank you!
On the subject of classic comedy, despite being born so late yearwise (:)) as to be post-python I discovered the joys of The Goon Show (from 1950-60 ish) some years ago. Has anyone here had the pleasure of listening to any of this quite bonkers show? I still cannot believe that Harry Secombe was one of the main character players, considering he became the face of Songs of Praise...
It's downloadable these days I am sure, I think Pythonatics would like it...
Oh to have a dinner with Spike, Peter Sellers and John Cleese... (Served by Manuel of course!).
@udh boy
For whatever reason, The Goons passed me by, though Spike Milligan LIVE was the funniest two hours of my life.
Peter Cook & Dudley Moore were more my thing and of course, their first two Derek & Clive albums.
Squatter & The Ant is perhaps D&C's cleanest sketch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJstXR03LEU
@laog - "I knew a girl from Amsterdam..."
@udh boy - nice to know you have all weaponary at your disposal. don't forget to include the "frequent early leaving" threat in your arsenal, though.
Post a Comment